RECIPES
If
you've ever wanted to get more than just a taste of our rock, here's the
place to do it.
Mmm, mmm, mmm, just like Mom was afraid to make!
El
Santo's Spicy Black Bean Soup
Hillbilly Jack's Chicken Fried Steak
Monsters and Zombies (aka Purple Paranoia)
The Kraken
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El Santo's Spicy Black Bean Soup
Defending the innocent is no easy task my friend. To attempt such noble deeds on an empty stomach would be foolhardy. Before any adventure begins, our hero fills up with a hearty bowl of his favorite zesty soup. Perhaps you should too?
Ingredients:
2 - 15oz cans of black beans, rinsed and drained
1½ Cups of vegetable broth (1 full can if you demand your soup
to be thinner)
1 Cup chunky salsa - Hot!
1 tsp. ground Cumin
4 Tbs. Sour cream
2 Tbs. sliced green onions
1 Cup grated chedder cheese
Bravely combine the beans, broth and salsa into a blender. Add Cumin and blend with the fury of an avenging angel! The mixture should be smooth, as should your wardrobe. Pour the entire mix into a large saucepan and heat with the power of justice until bubbly. Serve into festive bowls and top with sour cream, green onions and grated cheese. Ole!
Gather your amigos, some beautiful senoritas, and perhaps some orphans to your table for a mighty feast. Viva El Santo! Now, go forth and punish the wicked!
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Hillbilly Jack's Chicken Fried Steak
Ingredients:
5 lbs. cube steak
1 cup flour
1 tsp. Cayenne pepper
1 tsp. Salt
1 tsp. Black pepper
1 can Coca Cola
1 jug of moonshine
Soak cube steak in 1 can of Coca-Cola after banging it around with a hammer or ball bat or whatever you have in your kitchen what you can hit something with. Let it set there for a while. While this is going on, I usually take several drinks of Pappy's white litenin' to take away the cares of the day working at the foundry. Sometimes my ****head boss likes to ride my ass about god knows whut and make my life hard.
I usually like to turn on the TV box and watch me some rasslin' or some Nascar if I can find it a playin. I reckon it's pretty easy to build your own sattylite dish outta tinfoil and coat hangars. Onest the meat has soaked in the Co-Cola fer a while, I reckon it's okay to take it out and dip it in the flour and pepper and salt you shoulda already had mixed up. Ifn' you didn't, I'd probably be kickin' your ass on accounta you shoulda known ta' do that anyway.
It'll be allright though. Jest mix all that stuff up in a big bowl and make sure you get a coatin' of batter all over the meat. Hurry up, the grease is a getting hot in this pan and like to burn my ass off if you don't throw the meat in the skillit. While you're doin' that I'm goina take a drink o' this here corn licker again…
Allright. Good ta see you got a good scald on that there steak. Git a buncha paper towels and put 'em on a paper plate. Onest the meat's done, put it on the towels and let em soak up the grease. Sometimes I let the dawg eat the paper towels after I eat all the meat if he's bin good.
You can make some gravy outta the grease that's left over in the skillit, if you got a mind to. Usually I'm so plowed by this point, I don't really git too worried about it. Ifn' you're not too drunk to add a little bit a flour and milk to the grease, you probably should.
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Monsters and Zombies (aka Purple Paranoia)
Some nights you just wanna relax, sit down in front of the T.V. with a cold beer and forget your cares. But sometimes you can't do that because there's a guy clawing at your window in the dark and he doesn't have a face. If that sounds familiar, or if you want it to, we've got just the concoction for you!
Ingredients:
1½ oz Gold Rum
1/2 oz Vermouth
2 oz Purple grape juice
1 shot Bacardi 151
Ginger Ale
1 Clove of garlic
Ice
In a shaker, combine Ice, Gold Rum, Vermouth and Grape juice. Shake well,
remember that life can be a little scary sometimes, but don't let it bring
you down. Pour into a tall glass and fill with Ginger Ale. Have you paid
rent this month? Maybe you'd better check. When you're done with that,
float the shot of 151 on top of the drink. Hang the clove of garlic over
your bed to keep evil spirits away, and enjoy your beverage.
At least try to enjoy it, knowing that just outside your door, the cold
embrace of death awaits you. Maybe you better mix up another...
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Zeus doesn't mess around. When he needs cities destroyed, he calls on his buddy Poseidon, who then calls on his pal the Kraken. Like this mysterious and fearsome creature, the Kraken drink will bring forth a reign of destruction and fear to all who lie in its path… and a wicked buzz even Acrisius would appreciate.
The Kraken's namesake drink is not pretty, but like its inspiration, a lusty green broth of carnage mixed with the essence of the deep.
½
oz life essence of 1 lass of virtue true (This means the blood of a virgin,
but you can sub in ½ oz Clamato® "clam and tomato juice
product")
2 shots vodka
1 shot Bacardi 151
½ shot Ouzo
1 shot Blue Curacao
1 oz grapefruit juice
Salt
the rim of a tall glass with sea salt and fill it with ice. Pour the booze
over the ice. Drink. Make peace with Zeus in anticipation of the destruction
of your village, for the last of the Titans will surely be unleashed.
Consume with reckless abandon.
